Having a healthy relationship is important for your mental and physical wellbeing.

Being in a relationship means joy, laughter, excitement and exploration. At times it can also mean anger, jealousy and distress. Whilst it is natural to have these emotions, how we deal with them is essential to the quality of the relationship, and our lives.

Having a healthy relationship increases joy between two partners, and makes their coexistence kinder and more peaceful. It frees up more mental space to focus on the enjoyable parts of life together and allows you to appreciate your partner for the person that they are. It improves communication, allowing you to talk freely and openly about your interests, and when you discuss your partner with others, it's with a higher degree of respect for them.

A healthy relationship is one that feels peaceful, kind and supportive. It is also one in which you can manage differences and talk about any issues that arise. You can develop a healthy relationship in your own way, with your own unique style and flair - no two healthy relationships look exactly alike.

Signs of a healthy relationship include good physical intimacy/sexual activity, feeling like a team with strong couple mindedness, and having a deep connection - you feel like best friends with your person above all else. You both maintain healthy boundaries, respectful digital communication, and have a healthy level of give and take in your couple dynamics.

It is also a relationship with healthy communication, even during times of conflict. For example, when partners are upset at each other they avoid personal attacks and know when to apologize when they've stepped over the line.

Whilst online counselling and other forms of counselling are fantastic options for helping your relationship, they are just some of a suite of resources available to support you in your dynamic with your partner. These include online programs, podcasts and books focused on relationship guidance and skills development.

Discuss with your partner and decide what type of support is best for you.

Couples therapy and other professional assistance can also be valuable when a relationship ends to guide you through that process, particularly if there are children involved.

We are all shaped by our environment growing up more than we all know. Partners are shaped differently and run off different relational programs. This is informed by their past experiences. These include past relationships, family and friends, relationships with a close family member and even relationships with a trusted friend.

I can help you make your relationship healthy today. You deserve to feel comfortable expressing your needs and desires and to feel good in your relationships.

We don't always know our own blind spots and professional help can assist with this.

The 4 main blind spots that impact relationships are:

1. Relational templates (How we have been programmed for relationships by our early life experiences and what expectations, beliefs, opinions, and rules these create for how we should behave and be treated in a relationship)

2. Our threshold for distress tolerance (The point where we cannot cope with or tolerate our anxious, overwhelmed or upset feelings that arise when faced with the gap between our relational template and our partner's)

3. Our triggers (When something upsets us but we cannot identify what the root source of the trigger is and why it has affected us)

4. Our defence mechanisms (A form of fight or flight response that is triggered in response to our partner's actions)

The first step to overcoming blind spots in every relationship is to identify and take full responsibility for your own. This is a process of give and take as you explore your blind spots and allow your partner to also identify theirs. There are a range of professional tools including therapy, online programs and other resources to help calm your nervous system that can be used to assist you with your blind spots.

I integrate an understanding of these 4 blind spots into my professional practice to help people enjoy a more healthy relationship with their partner. Healthy behaviours can be developed by understanding our blind spots and using a variety of practices to overcome them.

Understanding your blind spots will also help you to enter new relationships with improved communication and respect.

Emotional coasting encompasses what I call the "bland band", where consciously and/or unconsciously we strip our lives of the wider emotional spectrum. We emotionally coast when we haven't developed sufficient distress tolerance to sit with feelings outside of the bland band. It feels safer so we stay there and shift the focus away from anything that can potentially cause distress.

Whilst many people choose to dampen negative emotions, it also leads to lowered levels of excitement and life satisfaction.

Often partners in romantic relationships will slip into emotional coasting to avoid intense feelings that emerge during both joyous and tough times - it's an attempt to keep safe, but it reduces the potential for honest and open communication.

In order to talk openly and feel safe with our partner, we need to uncover what's behind emotional coasting and understand that they don't intentionally do this even if it causes us tension and hurt. They will need help and support to move out of the bland band.

Definitely. I do this every day. Nobody should feel uncomfortable expressing their relationship desires to their partner. Everyone deserves a safe space to talk and securely express their own needs.

A robust relationship is one in which partners practice healthy behaviours. These include spending time together, having safe and enjoyable sex and intimacy, and being on the same page about their priorities and acceptable ways of treating each other. Well informed professional guidance can help you get there.

Different opinions and ways of resolving conflict do not necessarily mean that a long-term relationship is unsustainable, particularly if you are both ready to work on the relationship.

Don't ignore the warning signs. Spend time now to protect your relationship for the future.

It is essential that you feel safe with your partner, and maintain healthy and respectful communication. This can be difficult for many couples so if that's you, there is help available. You want to get to the stage where you can both talk with each other about any topic, including your goals, interests and desires.